Goodbye Old Ways

So I have been doing a ton of research trying to figure out what the best approach is to killing off this nasty fungus wreaking havoc on my body. It is overwhelming and every site and book states different facts. It is hard to know what to eat and after reading so many different things I am beginning to think the only safe thing to put in my body is distilled water. Ha ha! It is somewhat depressing. I found myself really struggling with the idea that I might be making a change in diet that may just last the rest of my life. That is a bit much to take in. The thought that I may be without chocolate, caffeine, breads, and all junk food is kindof hard to handle. It makes me want to cry. I guess there is a bit of mourning when you give up part of yourself. I know it is just food, but alot of what we do in life revolves around or atleast includes a good amount of food. So what next?

Tonight as I was contemplating this new reality, I was really struggling. I began to put away the half folded basket of clothes that I just didn't get to today. That is when it hit me. I was tired and my body ached. All I wanted to do was go soak in the tub. I felt completely exhausted as if I had just spent a whole day doing strenuous activity. It was then that I realized that I had done just that. I hadn't sat down for more than a few minutes the entire day. I started cleaning and cooking first thing this morning and never stopped. Today was a great day! I had energy and enough left over to be up at 11pm adding a post to this blog! This is progress. This is encouraging. This makes me want to keep going. I feel good. This is not normal to feel so good after such a busy stressful day. I should be done, but I am not. I have a new sense of determination. This is worth it. I can make it through this. My body is going to thank me every step of the way. I will have more energy and may finally feel up to running around with the kids. Perhaps I am not leaving anything behind. Perhaps this is the step forward into living again. I can handle that!

I am rambling, but it is so hard to contain these feelings of excitement. I am 2 1/2 weeks in to a new way of living. I guess I shouldn't expect for these things to come easy. This is just the beginning. It is going to be a challenge to relearn behaviors and habits that are 30 years in the making. Just keep swimming!